7 Things Your Pastor Wishes You Knew, But Is Afraid
To Tell You by Dr. Bill Wilson, Jr.

I am thinking a great deal these days about the interchange between clergy and laity, and how to help encourage healthy conversation in those relationships. I recently led a workshop under the heading of  "Seven things your pastor wishes you knew, but is afraid to tell you" . I was inspired by the title of Buzz Thomas' excellent book of a few years ago, and thought I would try out some of my thoughts on this fine group of clergy and laity. Here were my thoughts: 

1. It's not their fault, but your minister didn't learn everything they needed to be a pastor in Seminary.   Like doctors leaving medical school, clergy need a time to do their "residency" and learn to practice in the field what they've learned in the classroom. Actually, that theological education NEVER stops...so give your minister permission to not be perfect and to always be learning.
2. Every pastor must learn to "choose their guilt."  So will you.   There is always more to do than there is time to do it. Every minister must come to terms with an inherent guilt around what he or she did not do today. Too often that means their own family gets the leftovers. By the way, this is a dilemma for all of us regardless our vocation.
3. Be kind if you have a criticism.   Healthy clergy welcome constructive criticism. Everyone abhors petty nitpicking. Make sure you engage in the former and not the latter.
4. Please have some realistic expectations for the pastor's family.   How many ways can we say this? Please give your minister's family an extra measure of grace .
5. Please err on the side of generosity.   I'm not just talking about money, though I am talking about money. I also mean be generous with your attention, your questions, your interest, your ability to remember my mother's name, your laughter, your food, your jokes, your invitations to ball games, your LIFE
6. Your pastor loves you, but he/she may or may not like you.   Just like in your family; there are days when your spouse/child/parent loves you, but is frustrated by you or wondering what they did to deserve you. That ambivalence is part of being human. Own it and expect it. 
7. Your comfort is not your pastor's primary concern.   Hope you know this. If not, read the Bible and remind yourself why your church exists in the first place. Trying to be  priest  (comforting the afflicted) and  prophet  (afflicting the comfortable) to the same people is confusing, messy, and an invitation to misunderstandings.

It seems to me that Dr. Wilson’s words are particularly appropriate for a parish that is about to call a new rector. Even the most wonderful priests are only human and are not excellent in every aspect of their work 100% of the time – no one is. Trust, grace, acceptance and generosity of spirit are the right ingredients for developing the lasting healthy relationships needed for a vibrant parish. Continue to pray for the Discernment Committee and for the men and women who are willing to engage in a process of mutual discernment with Holy Cross.

  Blessings,
Fr. John+  

PRAYER
By Deacon Muriel

Recently I met with a group of women and we talked about prayer, which I am sure you will agree, is an all-encompassing topic. I would like to offer a reflection that may inspire you to engage in your own exploration and journey into praying.

Christians have been praying for almost two thousand years and writing about it for nearly that long. For something so central to Christian experience, prayer has raised countless questions and no little suspicion in many hearts, including fears that one just wasn’t “good” at it; that one didn’t quite know how to do it wisely or well or worst of all, that one was a total failure at it. We sympathize then with Jesus’ disciples when they ask the Lord to teach them to pray. [Lk 11:1], and we return daily to the prayer he taught them as a kind of talisman and as a model of prayer at its best, perhaps using it as a launching pad for our own tentative forays into the fiery waters of the Spirit.

There is available a rich literature on prayer – its roots, its styles, its uses, its various forms and approaches and techniques in all their vast diversity: personal, communal, liturgical, private: intercessory, meditative, contemplative; verbal and silent. Anglicans have long talked about the various types of prayer: adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication. Then there is Centering Prayer; prayer using a mantra or rosary, walking meditation and labyrinths, lectio divina, novenas and soaking prayer, the Jesus prayer, not to mention prayer with icons and numerous collection of verbal prayers. It’s pretty heady stuff.

But we must remember that it is also simple stuff. The contemporary American writer Anne Lamott writes in Traveling Mercies : “Here are the best two prayers I know: Help me, help me, help me and Thank you, thank you, thank you. A woman I know says for her morning prayer, “ Whatever” and for the evening “ Oh, well.”

Christians could do worse. And sometimes we can hardly do better, especially when simple cries of the heart are spoken [silently or aloud, as we say] with utter honesty and sincerity before God’s face. Help me. Thank you.  Whatever. Oh well.

That may suffice. And sufficient or not it may be all we have to offer.

A real prayer leads to silence where another voice, God’s voice, may speak. The silence may last but a second but it is always time enough to catch a hint, an intimation, or tidings of something much, much greater than ourselves, which lies closer to our own hearts than we do ourselves.

The door is always there. And it is always open!

NOTES FROM THE ATTIC - Dedy Traver

  How many of you have ever really looked at the unusual light fixtures in the church?  There is a small plaque in the rear of the church stating that these were given in memory of Mary Ellen Horner, Susan Isabel Graves, and Hedwig Marie Maul.  Mary Horner was the sister of Bishop Horner and she was the principal of the Mission School until her death in 1922.  Isabel Graves became the principal of the school following Mary Horner.  Hedwig Maul was a teacher at the school until the early 1920’s.  The announcement in the church bulletin dated Nov. 13, 1938 stated there would be a dedication of the lights and said “We have all been happy over the beautiful new lights installed some time ago in the church in memory of three real friends of the church, Miss Horner, Miss Graves, and Miss Maul.  These three devoted women, who lived and loved and labored among us, and who contributed in so many ways to the building up of our church life, who were “lights of the world in their several generations,” shall have these lights dedicated to their memory, to shine forth to give light in the church which they loved.  Very fittingly, we shall have as the preacher of the evening, the man under whose leadership the church was built, our one-time Priest-in-charge, the Rev. J. P. Burke, now Rector of St. James’ Church, Hendersonville.”   The bishop at that time was Robert E. Gribbin and he was present for the dedication service.   Below are the prayers that were used during the dedication service for the lights. During the dark winter months these prayers help to remind us that the light continues to shine forth from the Vale of the Cross as it has for 170 years.

Dedication of Memorial Lights – Holy Cross Church, November 17, 1938

   “Almighty God, who from ancient times hast put it into the hearts of Thy people to make offerings for Thy Service and the use of Thy Sanctuary, and who hast been pleased at all times to accept gifts at their hands; We pray Thee to accept this memorial which we now set a part in Thy Name.  May Thy blessing rest on this gift and the givers of it, that Thy Church may be benefited, Thy worship made more worthy, and Thy Name may be exalted and glorified continually; we ask this in the Name and for the merits of Thy Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

 

               In the faith of Jesus Christ our Lord we dedicate these memorial lights to the GLORY OF GOD and in memory of His Servants: Mary Ellen Horner, Susan Isabel Graves, and Hedwig Marie Maul, in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

 

    O Almighty Father, Lord of heaven and earth, who sent Thy blessed Son to be the Light of the World; vouchsafe, we beseech Thee, to accept this offering at our hands for the adornment of Thy House of Prayer, and the beauty of Thy worship, and to consecrate this gift to Thy glory and ourselves to Thy service; for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.

 

    Almighty and everliving God, we yield unto Thee most high praise and hearty thanks for the wonderful grace and virtue declared in all Thy saints, who have been the choice vessels of Thy grace, and the lights of the world in their several generations; most humbly beseeching Thee to give us grace so to follow the example of their steadfastness in Thy faith, and obedience to Thy holy commandments, that at the day of the general Resurrection we, with all these who are of the mystical body of Thy Son, may be set on His right hand, and hear that His most joyful voice; Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.  Grant this, O Father, for the sake of the same, Thy Son, Jesus Christ, our only Mediator and Advocate.  Amen.

 

     And now may God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, shine in our hearts, to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.  Amen.”

  Next time you are in the church take time to notice the lights and be thankful for the many dedicated and hard working people that truly loved God and the “church in the valley.”